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[ZI6]≫ Download Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books

Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books



Download As PDF : Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books

Download PDF  Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books

Sofia is just a normal high school girl, worried about getting her homework done and looking cool in the lunchroom, when he shows up a devastatingly handsome new kid, mysteriously covered in decaying bandages, and staring at her from the empty holes where his eyes should be. She thinks he's just a hipster, but is there more to this handsome stranger than meets the eye? Yes. He's a mummy. We're not really making a secret about this. The twist is he's a mummy. It's a book about a girl who falls in love with a mummy. We've read young adult books about teenage girls unknowingly falling in love with vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, fairies, mermen, warlocks, dreamwalkers, and trolls. Seriously, there was one about trolls. It's time for mummies, dammit. It's time for mummies.


Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books

It's Time for Mummies! Because humanity has received - and Alex Falcone & Ezra Fox have read, "thanks" to their fantastic podcast Read it and Weep - teenage romances about vampires and mermaids and centaurs (probably?) and trolls (allegedly) so why not our dearly beloved crumbling citizens of the undead too, huh?

What humanity has also received is a lot of teenage romance that's bafflingly terrible. Unwrap My Heart started as a joke about Twilight and yes, there are many insider jokes to both the series' faults (and the podcast's delights), including the writing. But the books/genre parodied aren't merely terrible because there are too many sentences about angel eyes and dazzling glitter skin. They also have a big big problem called "remembering teenage women are people". The creepiness of the age difference, the stalking, the over-protection, the emotional abuse, the weird sex issues - the source text portrays romance as equivalent to the denial of female agency.

And here is where Unwrap My Heart shines. Because I'll be honest - I'm a big fan of the podcast and I probably would have liked anything. I opened this book knowing they'd nail the parody, that they'd make me laugh (frequently/continuously in that kind of shifty honking way where you're afraid strangers will notice so you try to stifle it and it gets worse). What I did not expect was that the book would...care. This novel is not "loltwilight". This novel has two very important things to say and it does them genuinely beautifully:

1.) Mummies are hot.

2.) Women are people.

Okay: the mummies thing is weird.

But Alex and Ezra are asking some important questions, underneath the chair of dongs and secret ornithology meeting. Questions like, "why do we consider this romance? Why is this the romance offered to teenage girls? What if we flipped these patterns into a story that *does* give women agency, that points out these problems as problems, that provides solutions to these problems - what if we let teenagers fall in love and figure out magic and handle life where there's honesty? And sex? And she's the heroine of her own story - the heroine of her boyfriend? But not that much sex because mummified dong is fragile."

So I expected a laugh. I didn't expect it to be sweet, or thoughtful, or call out bad behavior, or include the phrase "and the only way I was going to straighten any of it out was to Google the s*** out of it." because new life motto. This book does all of these things - in a half-parody half-novel super-woke somewhat-typoy beautiful piece of fiction. It even, I guess because that's not hard enough, does it while telling a romance about MUMMIES I can't over-mention that she thinks he's a dusty hipster and he's a MUMMY she's kissing PRESERVED REANIMATED FLESH and you wouldn't think a story could walk the line between that ridiculous and that touching.

BUT IT DOES.

Product details

  • Audible Audiobook
  • Listening Length 4 hours
  • Program Type Audiobook
  • Version Unabridged
  • Publisher Completely Legitimate Publishing
  • Audible.com Release Date December 12, 2016
  • Whispersync for Voice Ready
  • Language English, English
  • ASIN B01N5CYEGS

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Unwrap My Heart Or It Time for Mummies (Audible Audio Edition) Alex Falcone Ezra Fox Sarah Hatheway Completely Legitimate Publishing Books Reviews


I enjoyed this story. The mummy angle was actually well done and offered many awkward laughs. Sofia is the stereotypical teenage girl in these stories. At least she figures some stuff out in the end. This is a fun light read that doesn't require much thinking. Great summer read.
When I first scammed a free review copy of Unwrap My Heart, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. Sure, co-authors Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox have shown, across hundreds of episodes of the Read It and Weep podcast, that they are great at dissecting bad books. But, as I discovered about halfway through performing my own knee surgery to save money, putting things together is a lot harder than taking things apart.

Unwrap My Heart is a YA supernatural parody romance, first conceived on the Read It and Weep podcast. The book is narrated from the perspective of high schooler Sophia, who finds herself falling in love with the new guy Seth—who's pretty obviously a secret mummy. The sunken, hollow eyes and bandages are a bit of a giveaway, though most people pass it off as a hipster affectation. Sophia, for her part, is accident prone to the point of constant self-endangerment, so vacuous that you wonder what Seth could possibly see in her, and entirely unperturbed as Seth graduates from creepy stalker behavior, to infantilizing her, to outright manipulation by selective refusal to communicate.

If any of this sounds oddly familiar, it's because Unwrap My Heart rarely strays from its chief well of parody the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Even when it does depart, it does so with a nod (or perhaps a middle finger) to the popular series about a hundred-year-old vampire dating a teenage girl. Take the moment when Seth clears up some confusion regarding his own age "We're basically the same age. Which is good, really. Monster or no, if I was hundreds or thousands of years older than you this would be a really troubling relationship."

But is Unwrap My Heart any good? And have I been stalling on answering that question, in the hopes of screwing with the authors' heads, playing upon their emotional and artistic investment for no better reason than my own sadistic pleasure? The answer to both questions is a resounding "yes," and if you've forgotten what the first question even was, let me reiterate I loved every page of this wonderful little book.

The voice of Unwrap My Heart is reminiscent of the playful, sarcastic tone of a Read It and Weep episode, and I was pleased to discover that the authors' skill at podcasting is matched by a skill for novel-writing. The book has a coherent, satisfying, and well-paced plot. The prose is smooth. The jokes come frequently enough to keep you chuckling, but not so thick as to take you out of the story, or to turn it into a hollow farce. Against all odds, a couple of podcasters decided to base their first novel on an off-hand joke from the show, and somehow managed to create a real page turner.

The one area where the book falls short is in the characters. While they are undeniably interesting, for the most part they aren't terribly engaging. Considering the book's core purpose—to satirize the genre and make a mockery of fantasy writers tapping ever-more-outlandish creatures for teenage girls to have a problematic romance with—it's hard to fault the authors for this. But I will fault them, both because they chose their premise and now must live with it, and because it turns out I'm kind of a jerk.

The great shortcoming in the characters is that, for the most part, they're simply not characters. Instead, they're jokey reflections of characters from other books. Sophia's dad is warm-hearted, devoted, and rocks an amazing mustache because the dad in Twilight has these traits. Motivations and hobbies seem to exist solely to service a joke or reference. I could easily forgive this if the book was a farce through and through, but there's a welcome thread of sincerity weaved into its pages which makes you want to care about these characters, while the characters themselves give you little to care about.

But this is not a fatal flaw. Despite the weak characters, Unwrap My Heart is an absolute delight to read. It's a balm for these trying times and an antidote to the abusive romances found in so much bestselling YA fiction. I found myself staying up late, walking to the store with my nose buried in my , and reading in a parked car for so long that my neighbors worried I was having a stroke, because I just couldn't put it down.

In short, I highly recommend this book and I can't wait to see what these folks cook up next.
Easy and compelling read. A book written in the young adult style yet appealing to readers of all ages.
Super ridiculous and very funny. Nice, quick book to read and not think too hard about while you're avoiding writing final papers.
Such a fun read! From the first paragraph, I was hooked, and consistently laughing. Unwrap My Heart is an incredibly smart and funny satire of the teen supernatural romance, and I definitely recommend giving it a read )
Hilarious book, a tongue in cheek send-up of Twilight/TruBlood stories. Mummies are the new vampires.
Very funny writers and very clever, check out the very underrated podcast Read It And Weep, about bad books/movies/shows
It's Time for Mummies! Because humanity has received - and Alex Falcone & Ezra Fox have read, "thanks" to their fantastic podcast Read it and Weep - teenage romances about vampires and mermaids and centaurs (probably?) and trolls (allegedly) so why not our dearly beloved crumbling citizens of the undead too, huh?

What humanity has also received is a lot of teenage romance that's bafflingly terrible. Unwrap My Heart started as a joke about Twilight and yes, there are many insider jokes to both the series' faults (and the podcast's delights), including the writing. But the books/genre parodied aren't merely terrible because there are too many sentences about angel eyes and dazzling glitter skin. They also have a big big problem called "remembering teenage women are people". The creepiness of the age difference, the stalking, the over-protection, the emotional abuse, the weird sex issues - the source text portrays romance as equivalent to the denial of female agency.

And here is where Unwrap My Heart shines. Because I'll be honest - I'm a big fan of the podcast and I probably would have liked anything. I opened this book knowing they'd nail the parody, that they'd make me laugh (frequently/continuously in that kind of shifty honking way where you're afraid strangers will notice so you try to stifle it and it gets worse). What I did not expect was that the book would...care. This novel is not "loltwilight". This novel has two very important things to say and it does them genuinely beautifully

1.) Mummies are hot.

2.) Women are people.

Okay the mummies thing is weird.

But Alex and Ezra are asking some important questions, underneath the chair of dongs and secret ornithology meeting. Questions like, "why do we consider this romance? Why is this the romance offered to teenage girls? What if we flipped these patterns into a story that *does* give women agency, that points out these problems as problems, that provides solutions to these problems - what if we let teenagers fall in love and figure out magic and handle life where there's honesty? And sex? And she's the heroine of her own story - the heroine of her boyfriend? But not that much sex because mummified dong is fragile."

So I expected a laugh. I didn't expect it to be sweet, or thoughtful, or call out bad behavior, or include the phrase "and the only way I was going to straighten any of it out was to Google the s*** out of it." because new life motto. This book does all of these things - in a half-parody half-novel super-woke somewhat-typoy beautiful piece of fiction. It even, I guess because that's not hard enough, does it while telling a romance about MUMMIES I can't over-mention that she thinks he's a dusty hipster and he's a MUMMY she's kissing PRESERVED REANIMATED FLESH and you wouldn't think a story could walk the line between that ridiculous and that touching.

BUT IT DOES.
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